with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
