After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
