i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
