dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
