I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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