saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
