can u get pink eye on your cock?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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