Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
