Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
