Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
