how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
