all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
