You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She even gives head with a lisp.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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