but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You took a bar mat shot.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
