Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it was like eating out sand paper
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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