I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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