Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
