google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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