i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
