I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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