Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
