I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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