FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
