Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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