I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize