Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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