Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
