did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
