your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Randomize
