I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
