i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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