somebody snuck up and got me drunk
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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