my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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