just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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