THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
