So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
