we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
