Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
