I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
