New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
