I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i dont even know how to be here
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize