i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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