Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize