you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
