I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize