I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
