He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
