i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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