he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
