you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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