I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize