when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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