The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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