He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
