it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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