Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
