I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
