Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
