WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
