There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
