sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
