just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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