Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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