here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
