i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just pee around me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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