Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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