uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
