What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
