Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
