What did we do last night that was yellow?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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