I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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