I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
