His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
