best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
