i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize