I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
