I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize