found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
